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Negative Convictions and Other Problems



Negative convictions
The inability to do what is good for you, results in living a life against the grain. Somewhere you have learned to counter yourself not to do what you want to do. You do not even know what it is you want and are seeing to it that you do not get what you need. Actually, you are devising to do exactly what is not good for you. You block off the good and nice things of life. You do not allow them to happen! Anyhow, when nice things should happen to you, you would probably hardly notice them, or not at all.
 
Sadly enough many people no longer know they have a natural (birth) right to themselves, and that they are in some way the creator of their own life. They have forgotten that as it were. Unconscious of this, they create their own daily suffering and often it seems to be the outside world that is causing it. There are people who have completely lost their own natural power. As a result their days are full of pain and fear. They are convinced “it is never going to work out anyway”. Finally that of course is the core of their pain. Such a conviction prevents you from being connected with your potential for strength and creativity, with happiness and peace.
 
You Attract What You Are and What You Radiate
It is important to realize deeply that you attract what you are and what you radiate. When for instance you feel afraid of being abandoned, it is likely that you attract people who will confirm this fear. Subconsciously you look for the company of those who abandon people. At the same time, there may be an abandoning person inside of you, even though you know your mechanism and are trying hard to suppress it. You can, as a matter of fact, abandon people by being absorbed in your own thoughts, by not listening properly or by not paying attention to someone when you should.
 
Whatever you think you are, is what you become. For instance it is really dangerous to think you are worthless or incapable to do anything well, because that is how you will be. You start to behave as such. Your behaviour will be servile, insecure and awkward. This will cause you to make many mistakes and the people around you will begin to believe you are useless. Everybody knows someone who is like this.
When you believe nobody loves you, it actually means you do not love yourself. If you do not like yourself, how are you going to believe someone else will? This prevents you from radiating anything positive, so, people around you do not feel attracted to you and find it difficult to reach you. Without knowing that, you push them off, because you never learned that warmth and affection are normal, healthy, pleasant gifts, on which you have a right. You are frightened of them and cannot deal with them, just because it is your belief that no one really loves you.
 
I Told You So - ism
Of course you ‘like’ to see your negative conviction confirmed by the people around you. You have developed a strategy to achieve this. When you have the belief: “Nobody wants to help me, I always have to do everything on my own...”, for instance, the pattern is as follows: 
  1. You created the situation that something is expected from you. For instance you answered “yes” when you were asked to give a lecture (perhaps it would have been better to have said “no”?)
  2. You are sure you cannot do it (also a conviction), you feel disordered, helpless, you panic.
  3. You need help.
  4. But you feel no one will help you, you always have to do everything on your own…
  5. This makes you feel very pathetic and helpless and you start complaining, blaming others, whining about it. You play the role of a victim and meanwhile you forget to do something....
  6. The others around you, who may have been willing to help you, turn their backs on you. They do not like you when you are like this, they let you down.
  7. Happily you can now say: “I told you so, it is really true: no one wants to help me!”
You can only get rid of this nasty system if you really stand up for yourself and take full responsibility for your own life.
 
How Does This System Work?
The core of the problem, enclosed within the reasons why we have these negative convictions – for instance 'nobody loves me' - is as follows: 
  1. You love your parents.
  2. Your parents do not love you.
  3. That hurts, you suffer from it.
  4. You cannot express the pain.
  5. You long for the ideal situation in which your parents do love you.
 In a different way: 
  1. You as a being are born with an inherited basic need for love and protection (money, material things and status are not important).
  2. As a child you suffer from the lack of love and protection.
  3. You should be expressing yourself with grief and/or anger.
  4. But you cannot do this, because you fear your parents reactions.
  5. You keep longing for parents that do love you. This will always stay a desire; fulfilment of this desire would be the end of your pattern.


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Anne Veldmans "The Change"

In a simple and easy to understand way, this book explains how the ‘Law of Programming’ works for everyone. It shows you how to discover your patterns and break through them.



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© Anne Veldman 2010 Anne Veldman Gevoelstherapie